These two words are what you’d normally see under two cats on a poster in a counselor’s office, that doesn’t diminish their value though. They’re easy words to say but very hard words to be serious about. But in real life they are words that often come with a lot of baggage, and they take a lot of time to use properly. Painful, slow, and something we’d all rather avoid. Yet, they sit at the heart of human relationships—messy, chaotic, beautiful relationships.

Let’s look at how I interpret what I see in the bible for how we should forgive and reconcile:

Forgiveness and the Art of Letting Go

Forgiveness is a deliberate choice. It’s not just saying, “It’s fine,” while secretly plotting your enemy’s downfall. Real forgiveness is releasing someone from the debt they owe you. It’s deciding, “You don’t have to pay me back for what you did.”

“Then Peter came up and said to Him, ‘Lord, how many times shall my brother sin against me and I still forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy-seven times.'”
Matthew 18:21–22 (NASB)

In other words, forgiveness isn’t a one-and-done deal. It’s a lifestyle. It’s an ongoing decision to let go of the anger that could eat you alive. It’s not easy, and it’s not fair. Fair really isn’t the point though, it’s about getting right with God and doing what we know, deep down, is the right thing.

Reconciliation: The Messy Miracle

Forgiveness takes one person. Reconciliation takes two. It’s the process of restoring trust, rebuilding bridges, and untangling the wreckage of a broken relationship.

“Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their wrongdoings against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.”
2 Corinthians 5:18–19 (NASB)

Reconciliation mirrors what God did for humanity. It’s a picture of grace in action. But here’s the thing: it doesn’t always happen. Sometimes the other person doesn’t want to rebuild. Sometimes the trust can’t be restored. Reconciliation is ideal, but it isn’t guaranteed. That’s why forgiveness stands on its own, even when reconciliation is out of reach.

The Process of Healing

Acknowledge the Pain

No forgiveness without facing the wound. Pretending it didn’t hurt just delays the healing. Own the pain—it’s part of the process.

Choose to Forgive

Forgiveness isn’t a feeling; it’s a decision. You’re releasing yourself from the poison of bitterness. You don’t have to forget, but you do have to release.

Rebuild (if possible)

Trust is built slowly, over time – and it can often be rebuilt with hard work if it’s been lost. I think this means that you start with a conversation, set some boundaries, and maybe even shed a tear or two.

Let God Handle the Rest

Sometimes, you’ve done all you can, and the relationship remains broken. That’s when you hand it over to God. He’s in the business of miracles.

Why It Matters

Forgiveness isn’t just about them. It’s about you. It frees you from carrying the heavy burden of anger, bitterness, and maybe the worst of all, resentment. Reconciliation, when possible, reminds us that grace is transformative, and it builds something new out of brokenness.

Take it from Jesus, Paul, and just about every self-help book out there: forgiveness and reconciliation aren’t easy, but they are worth it. Broken relationships can heal, but only if someone’s willing to make the first move.

So, who do you need to forgive today?

Scripture quotations taken from the (NASB®) New American Standard Bible®, Copyright ©, 2020 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. lockman.org