Forgiveness is a choice. A deliberate, soul-wrenching decision. It’s not just tossing out a casual “Oh, no problem” while quietly plotting your revenge. Real forgiveness means releasing someone from the debt they owe you. It’s standing in the aftermath of their offense and saying, “You don’t have to pay me back.” And no, it’s not easy. But since when has following Jesus been about easy?

The Gold Standard of Forgiveness

Jesus didn’t just teach forgiveness; He set the bar impossibly high. In Matthew 18:21–22 (NASB), we read:

“Then Peter came up and said to Him, ‘Lord, how many times shall my brother sin against me and I still forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy-seven times.’”

Matthew 18:21–22 (NASB)

Peter probably considered that seven times was more than enough to show that he tried. But Jesus subverts that idea, basically advising Peter, “Forgiveness isn’t about keeping score.” It is not about fairness either as fairness has never been the goal. One has infinite forgiveness; it is illogical, radical. This is an attitude, not a one-time offer.

Forgiveness Is a Command

If you think forgiveness is optional, think again. Jesus doesn’t give wiggle room. In Matthew 6:14–15 (NASB), He makes it crystal clear:

“For if you forgive other people for their offenses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive other people, then your Father will not forgive your offenses.”

Matthew 6:14–15 (NASB)

Ouch. That’s not a warm and fuzzy suggestion—it’s a direct command. Forgiveness isn’t just about the other person; it’s about your own relationship with God. If you want grace, you’ve got to give it. No exceptions.

The Cost of Bitterness

Holding on to a grudge might feel like justice, but it’s a slow poison. The writer of Hebrews warns us in Hebrews 12:15 (NASB):

“See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.”

Hebrews 12:15 (NASB)

Bitterness doesn’t just harm you—it spreads, infecting your relationships, your peace, and your heart. In my opinion, living a healthy life requires forgiveness – clear your head from all the evil that you cannot control. What other people have done to you is already in the past, don’t let it live rent free forever.

Jesus on the Cross: The Ultimate Example

Let’s not forget the ultimate display of forgiveness. As Jesus hung on the cross, battered and mocked, He could’ve called down fire and brimstone.

Instead, he prayed, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they are doing” (Luke 23:34, NASB).

Who are we to cling to our petty complaints when Jesus, nailed to a cross and gasping for air, chose to forgive those who drove the nails?

That moment—“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34)—isn’t just moving. It’s seismic. It’s grace laid bare, the kind that rewrites hearts and leaves no room for grudges.

• St. Augustine once pointed out that this act of forgiveness showcases Christ’s mercy as limitless. Even in His agony, He chose mercy over vengeance, reconciliation over wrath.
• Dietrich Bonhoeffer, in The Cost of Discipleship, called this the ultimate example of radical forgiveness. It’s not a polite suggestion; it’s a command to forgive in a way that feels impossible—because it often is without Christ.
• As the ever-frank C.S. Lewis elucidated in Mere Christianity, the centrality of forgiveness to the Christian existence. It’s never about whether someone deserves it—spoiler alert: none of us do. It’s about reflecting the same grace we’ve been handed, undeserved and unreserved.

So, when we’re tempted to nurse our grudges like prized possessions, let’s remember: Jesus forgave from a cross. What’s our excuse?

Forgiveness Is Freedom

Paul echoes this call to forgiveness in Colossians 3:13 (NASB):

“Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so must you do also.”

Colossians 3:13 (NASB)

Notice the standard here: “just as the Lord forgave you.” God’s forgiveness is complete and undeserved, and we’re called to model that same grace. Not because they deserve it, but because we’ve been forgiven more than we’ll ever comprehend.

The Challenge of Letting Go

Forgiveness isn’t easy. It’s painful, unfair, and counterintuitive. But it’s also transformative. When you forgive, you’re choosing healing over hurt, freedom over bitterness. Paul sums it up beautifully in Ephesians 4:31–32 (NASB):

“All bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”

Ephesians 4:31–32 (NASB)

Who, then, must you forgive? What grievance are you holding on to, as if it were a lifeline, in the hopes that it will bring justice to everything? Do what’s best for yourself; it won’t benefit them. “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you,” famously said Lewis Smedes. St. Augustine would want us to remember that God’s forgiveness is an expression of who He is and how He loves us. And as Dietrich Bonhoeffer pointed out, forgiving someone isn’t something you do; it’s a brave, deliberate decision to break free from bitterness. Although it may seem scandalous at first, forgiveness is really a holy scandal that frees you.

Want some great additional resources on the topic?

Books

1. The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness by Timothy Keller
   A simple but deep book that explores the freeing power of grace and forgiveness, offering light on how we might let go of pride and bitterness.
2. Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall
   In the face of adversity, this book urges its readers to practice unconditional forgiveness.
3. Forgive: Why Should I and How Can I? by Timothy Keller
   Forgiveness, according to Keller’s biblical and practical perspective, can mend broken relationships.
4. The Art of Forgiving by Lewis B. Smedes
   When things don’t go your way, this loving advice will help you forgive—not only other people, but also God.

Articles

1. “What is Forgiveness?” by The Gospel Coalition
   A thorough examination of forgiveness from a biblical perspective, including its obstacles and benefits.

• • Available at: The Gospel Coalition

1. “Why Forgive?” by Desiring God
   John Piper addresses common questions about forgiveness and the importance of modeling God’s grace.

• • Available at: Desiring God

Websites & Online Resources

1. GotQuestions.org
   Search for “forgiveness” to find Bible-based answers to practical and theological questions about forgiving others.
2. Focus on the Family
   Offers practical tools and encouragement for living out forgiveness in marriage, parenting, and other relationships.
3. BibleProject Forgiveness Theme Video
   An engaging, visual explanation of forgiveness as a central theme in the Bible.

Scripture Study Guides

1. Bible Study Tools: Search for devotionals and study plans on forgiveness.

• • Available at: biblestudytools.com

1. YouVersion Bible App Plans: Find topical reading plans like “Forgiving What You Can’t Forget” or “The Power of Forgiveness.”

Scripture quotations taken from the (NASB®) New American Standard Bible®, Copyright ©, 2020 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. lockman.org